Lately, I can not seem to get thru a church service without crying. Yes, mom I am turning into you. I don't know why but every service I have cried at some point, and sometimes more than once. I have been thinking a lot about this time last year, when we were saying so many good byes. It's not that our new church home is bad or anything, in fact we have a new youth and family minister that I find absolutely incredible. I just miss my YAC friends. I am jealous of the memories they are making without us. I am supposed to be a part of them, I am supposed to be there. Anyway, yesterday was worse than before. The closing song was, This World is not my Home. Well, if you know anything about my family you know this is kind of "our song". Our service yesterday was focused on the importance of communion and how sometimes it's just part of the routine. Since I had the "part of the routine" part on my mind, I realized how it applied to that song for me. Every time my family circles up to sing this song it is amazing, like chill bump worthy. I never realized how it had kind of become "part of the routine", at least for me. I have known this song as long as I can remember, and really honestly don't ever really remember reading the words. I knew after our lesson, I needed to read the words as I sang. As I read the words, I began to think of my aging grandparents and how I wish I could see them every day. I thought of my grandad, and how I wish I could sit next to him, hold his hand, and sing this to him. I realized this song is my family, who we are, and everything we are about.
Those tears have just carried into today as I remember this day a year ago. You have to understand, I am a major homebody and love to be surrounded by family. I have never lived away from my parents, or the majority of my family. I hate that I can't hop in the car and drive to mom and dad's. I hate that my girls can't see them every day. I miss my aunts and uncles, cousins, you name it, everyone. Believe me, I know I am blessed with an incredible husband, healthy children, etc. I know that when you marry military, you know what you are getting. Yes, I knew it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I know this is not my typical blog post, but I really just needed to write it down. I needed to make myself feel better. As I peel myself off the couch, where I have sat and felt sorry for myself all day, I remember the greatest lesson my dad has ever taught me. God is good all of the time.
i know exactly how you feel, jama. when we moved off i had to "mourn" the fact that we weren't living in the same place as family and couldn't do life with them on a daily basis. you are blessed with a wonderful family, and that makes visits back home all the sweeter. hugs today!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to you here, Jama! I am lucky that we are in the same state, but it is SO difficult to be away from family when yours is so closely knit. I hate the fact that Jaqs doesn't see her grandparents every week. Hopefully this is just a season for both of us :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way (though I see my family frequently, since we are now less than 3 hrs away). I miss living in the same town as my family and everything that's familiar. I know God has us where we are for a reason, but sometimes it's hard to believe that!
ReplyDeleteHi there! It looks like we have a handful of the same friends! I stumbled upon your page just now and just had reach out to you! I went to ACU, but now live back in Sugar Land, TX. My precious husband, Brandon Padgett, is also an Airman and is stationed in Charleston, SC. I was actually just up there last week for a visit. :) This post tugged on my heart because I can understand where you are coming from. I couldn't be more proud of what my husband does, but I so understand the sacrifices we make as the wife of an airman. Prayers for you, friend!
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